A New Year and Turning A New Leaf

Normally, I don't make New Year's resolutions because I don't believe in them and usually, I fail to commit to them but this year I'm going to change that just a bit. I have a few I could think of off the head, but this is what I got:

Finish the semester strong.

Self-Care / Take better care of myself.

Be kind to myself and maintain a positive attitude even in these turbulent times.

Finish the original Final Fantasy VII, VIII, and IX.

Play the Half-Life series.

Write an original story (and finish some fanfics that I've neglected).

Finish my work & gaming setup.

Start streaming on DLive and/or start a podcast.

Start a video diary and write more here.

Use LiveJournal more often (because Dreamwidth isn't working for me anymore...).

Finish Gravity Rush 2.

Draw more character concept art for my portfolio.

Drink more tea and water.

Mod a game.

Use social media less (less Twitter consumption, more reading and writing!).

Buy more physical books.

Protect my data and privacy online.

Spruce up on my French.

Hopefully, I'll look back at this by the end of 2021 and see how well I did. Wish me luck!

Feeling Like Crap Again...

Today was horrible.

My stuff from Amazon came in the mail today and I was super excited because I would finally customize my room more to make it feel more homely. I had planned to use the Christmas money to buy a few things, but Dad snooped through my account and started yelling and belittling me again.

All I wanted to do start streaming so that I could make a little money as well as try something new. I have to return all the items and cancel some others. Dad once again called me a fool and stupid (thank you for killing my self-esteem again), telling me that I have the mentality of a day-old child. We started calculating the costs of things, but he just kept screaming and telling me that his screen said something else (I'm looking at my goddamn Amazon orders!).

I just want to get this damn piece of paper and leave this house. I'm so sick of college. I'm so sick of the education system as a whole. I'm curious and love to learn about new things, but I always thought that school hindered my sense of wonder. It was always about "getting the grade" versus actually learning something and if I didn't get the grade, I was always belittled and compared to their friend's kids.

Look, I don't give a crap about what the other kids are doing. We're all living very different lives. Sure, there's competition, but do I have to lose sleep and more self-esteem because of that? Hell, no! It just makes me even more miserable than I already am.

I'm also tired of the double standards. When I think for myself, I'm wrong, but when I'm afraid to answer questions, you tell me to stop acting like a child. I'm so fucking tired of it!

On the bright side, my Concept Art teacher responded to my progress piece today. We're supposed to have a meeting on Wednesday morning at 11am. I do hope to see him again, even if I feel like I've been a nuisance.

Also, I learned a whole lot about unused content and pre-content on the Wii, Nintendo DS, Persona 5, and Splatoon alongside the history of the DS hacking scene, anti-piracy in video games, and how Spyro specifically handled pirates on the Playstation One. More cutting room floor knowledge!

... And I'm in the process of drawing Kat from Gravity Rush wearing Peony's (Fire Emblem Heroes) outfit. Hopefully I'll get around to finishing it soon and then start on Raven wearing Triandra's clothes. So far, I really like how it's turning out!

Oh, and I won't be surprised if I finally killed myself in 2021. The world has gone to shit anyway, so what's the point of even living on it anymore?

So much for my New Year's resolutions...

Feeling A Bit Better Today...

Long story short, Dad ranted his head off again about the Amazon situation. I'm thinking of canceling my Amazon Prime account since it'll cause a lot of problems.

I started watching Psych2Go's YouTube channel again about toxic parents and the effect they have on a child's growth and I started crying quietly again because I feel like most of the talking points that they explained almost describe my parents verbatim. At this point, I don't who to talk to about my thoughts and feelings on anything anymore, but I'm afraid that I'm going to burst in the most awful way possible.

It's terrible. A terrible, terrible feeling that I don't think will go away so easily...

Oh, yeah. Yesterday, they forced me to stay downstairs as they watched some Nigerian vlog about some guy's marriage and the party taking place. My goodness was that video loud that my headphones couldn't block it. I swear, Nigerians have a terrible sense of sound design.

At least I was able to send in my poetry to several different sites. I'm kind of scared because I've never done this before and I'm afraid of rejection, but if I don't try then I'll never know. I hope that at least my work will be published in some form. That would be awesome and I would love to put that on my resume.

In other news, finally looked into the GameExplain scandal. In short, I'm really glad that I unsubscribed from that channel after the Smash Ultimate base roster was complete and I certainly didn't like what the GX team had to say about everyone who believed in the Grinch Leak. Andre always came off as a scumbag; his Twitter was a major red flag for me, so I'm glad that my intuition was right in the end. Now it looks like GX is in some deep trouble unless Andre comes out with a statement. I doubt his statement will be authentic though, so I guess R.I.P. GameExplain. You won't be missed.

2021 already isn't looking like a good year.

At the very least, Persona 5 music is very relaxing to listen to especially at night when I'm writing, drawing, thinking, or reading.

Hello Again!

Today, I had my meeting with my Concept Art teacher Jason. He had a rocking cool-looking beard thanks to the lockdowns in Virginia but he was really nice and very helpful as he gave me anatomy tips about legs and hands alongside quicker and cleaner lines. My goal is to finish this project before the semester starts again, so let's do this! We also talked a lot about other things such as games. I learned that one of his favorite games was Advance Wars for the Game Boy and I immediately thought of the infantry and tanks from Super Smash Bros Brawl. He also bought Overwatch last night and plans to play it with his friends (he says he was going to suck at it, but I believe in him! Overwatch isn't that hard of a game to master). He's also been busy working on a VR game for the Psychology department and so far it looks really good.

Man, I hope to be just as good as him. He's so talented!

Later that day, my sister and I watch some more Kimesu no Yaiba / Demon Slayer and I loved what she had to say about the next episodes. Always loved her commentary. Also, she's holding me to my end of the deal to watch more Golden Kamuy with her.

Dad also stumbled in and started talking about winning $20. I know that's not much, but buying a PowerBall ticket for $10 and winning back $20 isn't so bad (just wish it were more, though). I learned about the house back in Nigeria was called "Eagle Landing," a reference to my Dad working his way up to get where he is today and the rent house is called "California Frontier."

My sister and I also made tacos for everyone and I added a bit of Habana peppers to mine. I think my tastebuds are getting used to it (but I still had to down a whole can of soda to wash it down). Also while we were cooking, TMZ was on and I rolled my eyes over the kind of crap they were gushing over. Why do people care about tabloid news and celebrities I'll never know (and the narrator's voice was so darn annoying! I wanted to change the channel so badly).

Then I played a bit of Gravity Rush 2. I'm finally in the final chapter! I hope to see more of Kat's background and her origins! Gravity Rush is such an underrated game... I wish it got more attention when it did, but with the director gone and the dev team disbanded, I guess we'll never Kat go on yet another adventure... Still, I enjoyed the hell out of this game!

Finally Finished Gravity Rush 2!

After all the procrastination, I finally finished Gravity Rush 2 for the PS4. The ending was very powerful, but I'm glad everything worked out, except for Kat because she had to sacrifice herself in the end to save everyone else (spoilers!), but in the epilogue, it's implied that she returned. I'm just going to safely say that she did come back.

I really would like the third game, but sadly, that won't happen because the director of the Gravity Rush series left to form his own indie company, and the rest of Team Gravity was disbanded just last year, so the odds of seeing Gravity Rush 3 on the PS5 are little to none. Sure it didn't catch on in the West, but I do hope that Sony will one day give this series another chance, but that's just wishful thinking. Hell, I'm still waiting for PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royal 2 to make a comeback...

I want to see more of Kat in action, but for now, I'm content with finishing this game. Now off to play the DLC side story: Raven's Choice!

Finished Raven's Choice DLC + Ranting to Myself

I finished Gravity Rush's Raven's Choice. It was a very interesting side story and I got to learn more about Raven's past and her reasons why she wanted to save the Children of the Ark. The ending is bittersweet, but I'll take it.

In other news, I started going off on a rant again because I still feel like my parents are gaslighting the hell out of me. Look, all I want to do is get my degree and leave this house once and for all. I feel like I have little to no say here and my self-esteem has already been destroyed. I won't be surprised when my parents start barging into my Zoom class meetings and constantly asking the professors what my current grade in that class is. What a way to cut off all possible network ties...

My Mom is the Real MVP + More!

Last night, my Mom came in and we had a long and emotional talk. Yesterday, I had cried twice and subsequently isolated myself from the others for most of the day. At first, I didn't want to talk to her because I thought she wouldn't understand where I was coming from, but to my surprise, she understood (to an extent).

After explaining to her why I bought what I bought for streaming purposes, she decided to keep the boxes and add $400 dollars to my account to look like we had returned those boxes. My dad is none the wiser. This is why my mom is the real MVP and I promise to do good this semester with better grades, it should be easy, considering that most of my classes are lectures verses studio classes.

And today, nothing much happened other than the whole family staying at home and enjoying each other's company. My brother just got PlayStation Now so that he could finish the Jak Trilogy by completing Jak 3, but unfortunately, PS Now doesn't have the Jak Trilogy (but they have the Uncharted collection and The Last of Us. WTF, Sony?). He did play Bomberman Ultra for a bit (my mom would always complain about the announcer's high pitched voice) and then Ape Escape 2 before settling on playing Catherine. At first, he was critical of the game, what with it being a puzzle game and have a story based on cheating, but eventually he warmed up to it and now I think he's definitely interested in playing the whole game. I don't know what ending he might get, but I'm all in for watching him play the game. I myself played Catherine Full Body and enjoyed that game a lot. Maybe I'll play it again soon.

Yesterday's Musings + A Slow Day Today

Forgot to write down an entry yesterday because I was watching the rest of season one of Demon Slayer with my sister. Not much else happened yesterday either. We finally finished season one, now all we have to do is watch the Infinity Train movie and finish season one of Golden Kamuy. My brother was watching the last season of Attack on Titan and man, did it sound like an actual theater in his room.

Today, not much happened either. I woke up a little bit late and forgot to vacuum downstairs. I also looked for the lemon cake that my sister had made earlier. Turns out, it was behind all the bread in the fridge. We most likely deduced that it was our youngest brother considering that when he sees food he suddenly looses all sense of reasoning. I also learned that he thinks anime is cringe and when we asked him why it was cringe his reasonings were that the stories weren't compelling (obviously, he's never watched shows like Fullmetal Alchemist, Cowboy Bebop, etc.) and apparently the only anime he's claimed to watch is One Piece and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, the two most popular and talked about shows on the internet. Go figure.

Keep in mind that this is the guy who has 47,000 karma on Reddit, like a true Reddit neckbeard. He also thinks that he's smart because he reads and watches history and makes political memes, yet he doesn't know how to eat like a decent human being.

Dad got on him today for that, too.

Other than that, my sister also played a bit of Harvest Moon: Tides of Destiny and Ico through PlayStation Now. She really has become a Harvest Moon/Rune Factory fan.

Oh yeah, and Happy MLK Day (almost forgot about it).

Golden Kamuy Marathon!

Today, I finished season one of Golden Kamuy with my sister. To be honest, I wasn't in the mood to watch anime at the moment, but after season one, I wanted to watch more until my sister said she had to run on the treadmill. Overall I like Golden Kamuy and I hope to finish it soon.

Still waiting for a 4k watchable version of the Demon Slayer movie...

Other than that, nothing significant happened today, but my mom did buy my supplies for Color Theory and I think they'll be here before class starts, so that's good.

And on a bigger note, I don't think the country's getting better, despite the calls for unity and such. I think we're more divided than ever and it's only going to get worse from here...

A Bit Irritated...

Mom got on me today for my hair for most of the day. I get it, my hair needs to be done before school starts, but this is too much.

I also overslept again today, but today that ends because classes start tomorrow. My first class is at 12 (it's actually 1:00 over there in Virginia, but here in Texas we're one hour ahead so...). My color swatches also haven't come in today, so I'm a bit worried that they won't come in by Wednesday. Finger's crossed they'll come in by tomorrow or Tuesday.

Good lord, I knew Twitter was a cesspool, but this is just terrible. I heard Twitter is getting sued for allowing child pornography on their website and refusing to take it down until a federal officer got involved. I feel so bad for the kid involved. He got catfished, blackmailed, and bullied by his classmates when they found out. The videos he made also were featured on an account that was known to host child porn and was reported multiple times but to no avail. The #TwitterIsOverParty was trending with everyone basically ripping into Twitter. No child should have to go through something like that.

I'm really glad that more and more people are starting to see that Twitter is Trash. I do hope that Twitter goes under soon and a new platform rises from the ashes. Elon Musk says that Silicon Valley won't last long. I really hope he's right on that one. Platforms like Facebook and Twitter need to die and places like YouTube need a serious competitor.

Also, I've been playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild again. It is a very fun game and one of the best open-world games out there. I'm determined to finish this game now.

Deep Thinking + Today's Muse of the Day

Not much else happened today, but I have been sleeping far more this time around and I need to stop that. I need to get up early more...

Also, my little brother got mad at me for calling him out. He was using Twitter while in class and apparently Mom had called him out earlier this morning. He got very aggressive with me and my sister, but in the end, Mom straightened him out. Seriously though, why does he have a Twitter at age 12? I didn't have a Twitter at that time. I swear social media is going to make my little brother miserable. I just wish he could be a kid: play more video games and stop focusing on politics and social media. I think that might be the reason why he seems so angry most of the time.

And I'm almost finished with the final project. I'll turn it in tomorrow, so it won't carry over to the next semester.

In Fire Emblem Heroes, I got two Sonjas from the revival summoning. Score!

My sister and I also watched two episodes of Golden Kamuy. These two episodes were... interesting to say the least. A lot of fanservice moments from the male cast (not that I'm complaining, though), and the last episode essentially can be summed up as a group of blind people versus a group of naked jacked men.

And I've been in some deep thought lately. Firstly, I need to know how to budget my money and have some financial literacy because it might save my ass in the future. An emergency fund of at least $400 should do it and I need to quit buying subscriptions. It's chipping away at my money (note to self: cancel Chegg and send back the book).

Secondly, I'm really curious about my student loan debt. I looked up the average being around $37,172 or somewhere around 32,000 or 2. That's not much.

Thirdly, I've been contemplating on whether or not to delete my social media accounts. On one hand, I use Twitter only for Fire Emblem Heroes News and anything Nintendo related, Facebook and Whatsapp because my family (but I would rather use alternatives like Signal or Telegram, and rarely do I use Instagram because I'm not comfortable with people peering into my life also privacy issues. The only "social media" account that I use is YouTube, but even so, I'm starting to fall out of it.

[Long] It's Been a While...

I could go on about what's been happening over the past few months, but long story short, the semester's about to end, and my anxiety has gotten worse, but I've rekindled some old flames and found some new ones.

Buckle up, 'cause this is gonna be a long one...

First and foremost, I've recently been playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf again. It's been 2 years since I've touched the game and since I don't own New Horizons yet and I there's been a drought of any good games coming out this year, I've picked up the game again. So far, I've paid off my loan and now I have a second floor and finished three public ordinances, so the town is looking better than it did 2 years ago. Honestly, I kind of miss playing ACNL like this. It's a great stress reliever when you don't want to play something fast-paced or story-driven.

... But this hasn't stopped me from playing the OG Final Fantasy VII on the Vita. There are a lot of FF games that I need to finish, but I'll start with FFVII since it's the most iconic and highly recommended.

Speaking of the PS Vita, Sony announced that the PlayStation Store for PS3, PSP, and PS Vita will be shutting down in the coming months. Looks like it truly is the end of an era, but jokes on them. My PS Vita is jailbroken, so I'll still have access to all the games available. God bless piracy! This also reinforces my decision not to buy a PS5, so I think the PS4 will be the last console I'll buy from Sony. Guess I'm strictly a Nintendo and PC gamer now!

Regarding Smash Bros. Ultimate, I've picked up Pyra and Mythra from Xenoblade Chronicles 2 as new mains. Only two more characters left in the Fighters Pass. The window's closing soon. Been thinking about getting into the Xenoblade series soon. Probably will find a ROM of the 3DS port for Citra. Oh, yeah, and find a ROM for Dragon Quest VIII, too.

Note to self: Continue playing Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time and Chrono Trigger DS soon.

And as for Fire Emblem Heroes? Well, I finally got Fallen M!Corrin! All I need now is Summer F!Corrin and I'll have all the Corrins! Oh, and I got Legendary Edelgard if that's worth anything. Now I have 2 of the three Edelgards even though I want more Claude. Golden Deer for the win!

I've also gotten into the groove of watching old movies from 2015 and further back alongside getting back into anime.

For movies, I'm in the process of watching the Star Wars trilogy and the prequels (I have no intention of watching the sequels). Now I can see why Star Wars is regarded as a masterclass in film and storytelling. Sure, it's the classic Hero's Journey story, but it works. Also, George Lucas seems like a cinnamon roll and a savage offset and a precursor to an otaku or weeb since he fawns over Akira Kurosawa's work.

Next on the list will be Fright Night and its sequel (the original, not the 2011 remake). I've always had a soft spot for 70s, 80's, and 90s horror movies alongside classic gothic horror, so it was kind of inevitable that I'd pick up Fright Night sooner than later. Plus, I saw the seductive scene in that movie and the music that plays during is just pure seduction. I wish more movies did this again.

Also, I have to watch more anime movies, the Demon Slayer movie especially. I can only find camrips of the movie, so I guess I'll have to wait until someone uploads the movie in good quality. And I need to watch more K-Movies. Train to Busan is a high priority right now.

As for anime? Well, I just finished Redo of a Healer (Yeah, I know. Don't judge) and I'm in the process of watching Madoka Magica and Sailor Moon. I want to watch The Promised Neverland Season 2, but I heard it was bad, but I don't know. Maybe I'll wait a bit longer.

I also did an X-Ray examination for the pain in my chest as the doctor ordered over the weekend. It was supposed to come in today, but it never did...

I've been getting better at drawing lately, what with YouTube and Pinterest for inspiration.

Oh, yeah, YouTube is also planning on removing the dislike button. Gee, it's not like that will end in disaster, no... /s

Ah, yes. And write more of Harmonious Temptations when I have time. I miss writing that story again and I have most of the drafts done, damn it!

Whew! This was a long one! I hope to not do one like this again and keep them short and sweet (that is, if I remember doing these again...).

[Long] It's Been a While...

Nothing much happened today except that I stayed up all night to download more video game music from KHInsider. Honestly, I'm shocked that it took them this long to put out the soundtrack for Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3.

Still need to find that Xenoblade Chronicles 3D ROM and Dragon Quest VII ROMS... And maybe I'll try to get the DLC content from Fire Emblem Revelations to work again.

Just organized my stuff in ACNL today as well. I had a few duplicates in my inventory and items that I didn't want, so I sold them at Re-Tail. Now my inventory can breathe a little bit more.

I need to step up my game in my classes. I can't keep going on like this. I just want to get my degree and start working soon. I want to make my own money soon so that I can have my dream of building a new PC and decorate my home in the style that I want.

A Few Things Over the Past Days...

I've also noticed that I've been watching less and less YouTube. I guess there's nothing on that catches my eye and I've grown tired of politics and internet drama. Same for Fire Emblem Heroes. I want to focus my time and energy elsewhere.

Found the rom for Xenoblade Chronicles, but surprise! It doesn't work aside from the music. Guess I'll have to look elsewhere. However, I was able to find some new ROMS for OpenEmu, but I need XC!

I want to be more optimistic for the future, but it's becoming incresingly harder to do so. But, I'll keep trying...

Still Trying to Keep My Head Up...

With all this inflation, record unemployment, and soaring prices of basic goods and services, I'm wondering if things are going to get any better soon economy-wise. I want to be hopeful, but I have my doubts.

In other news, I got a call from Target near me a couple days ago, asking for me to come in for a job offer as a tech associate. I remember applying for this job a year ago during the summer, but they declined my application. I guess since people aren't working and managers are desperate for work, they're just going down the lines to see who will respond to their calls.

Even though the stimulus packages and COVID are giving a lot of people incentives and excuses as to not work, I'd rather go to work now. I'd need some hands-on experience, even though I don't intend on working as a sales associate forever. Also, I want to make my own money since I'm at the age to get my own insurance. I might as well learn how to do these things now and get ahead of my peers.

Also, I really want to start to build my own gaming/workspace during the summer. And start streaming seriously. I need to create a schedule soon, alongside some graphics.

I'm also thinking of joining the Military Reserve. Mom had recommended me to apply over the summer and why not? I could be the next generation of military in our family.

In all due honesty, I just want to do something this summer that isn't just sitting in front of a screen all day. I want to be useful to myself.

The semester's ending this week and I'm relieved but also terrified.

New Desk Makeover + Demon Slayer Movie!

Hello again! I'm in a slightly happier mood this past week. Why? Because my sister and I just came back from watching Demon Slayer Mugen Train. We'd been planning this since near the end of the semester to watch it and I gotta say, I've never cried during a movie multiple times, but Demon Slayer did it for me. I had already read the train arc in the manga, but watching the anime version definitely hits differently. Overall, it was an awesome movie and I hope more anime movies make it overseas on the big screen too. It was also nice to hang out with my sister too.

Even more good news! I finished strong this semester! 3 B's, 1 A (My first A! Yes!), and... one D in Color Theory. That was a bit disappointing, but other than that, getting the news of my improved grades lifted up my spirits a bit. Mom was elated about this as well, which really warmed my heart hearing her over the phone. Dad was still frustrated and really hounded on that D, but I guess I understand where he's coming from.

Now since summer has officially begun, time to look for a job so I can make some extra income. Hopefully, I'll find an internship that will pay me or at least a job. So far, I'm not having much luck. Even when people aren't looking for jobs right now, I can't find one person to hire me. This is the reason why I'm considering taking up a side gig as well as market myself this year. Gotta dust off that Instagram account and draw more so that I can have a stellar portfolio.

Seriously considering streaming games for real, but I need to make a schedule and stick to it. I have all the tools now like the microphone and speaking of tools, I got my stuff back and my desk is looking real fly right about now! RGB pink mouse pad, RGB headphone stand, Razer Kitty Wireless headphones, Divoom speaker-- my desk is really looking like a streamer's battlestation and to me, it feels way cozier than the previous setup I had. Actually, my room feels cozier now. Feels more like... "Me," you know? Oh, and my sakura coaster should be here by Wednesday. I can't wait!

But I still have eyes for a few more items: The Elgato stream deck, the Kirby fan, Isabelle plush, Autofull gaming chair... But I need to conserve my money, especially in an economy like this. But, I'm just glad that my room is looking good and things overall are looking up!

See you soon!

It's Been A While...

The 4th of July is today and I hope that we have hotdogs and hamburgers~

Also, it's been a while since I've written anything in this journal or rather touched this computer in a while, mostly because my Mac needs to be serviced. Apparently, the battery is depleting fast when unplugged, so I should take it to the Apple store to see what's wrong with it. Guess I'll have to set up an appointment next weekend and I might as well do it for my iPhone as well (even though my phone is old... SE 1st generation...)

I need to watch more movies. I'm almost done with the Star Wars original trilogy. I just need to watch Return of the Jedi and then I'll watch the Spielberg movies, starting with the Poltergeist.

I should finish Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time soon and get to building that website of mine.

See you soon~ o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

The First Day of Classes!

Whew!

Yesterday was an interesting day because it was the first day of Fall classes. So far, everything went pretty well. Senior Portfolio wasn't as bad as I thought and I even got to talk about movies with one of my classmates. Animation is virtual, so that's good too and 3D Photoshop looks intimidating, but I'll manage. I survived Intro into 3D, so I'll survive this. Also, Piloting the Enterprise is every Tuesday at 4:00 with a new module, so I have to keep track of that. This is my last semester, so I have to make it count!

Today, I'm going to apply for graduation and I went out with my sister for the food that Mom ordered for us, then we went to Poke Noodle Bowl and we were going to get milk and bread, but then my sister got sick, and I had to take her home. I hope it's not too serious and just a cold. I pray that it is.

(´-﹏-`；)